A very thin line

So it’s day six of the second set of antibiotics,that are trying to kick the arse of the unwanted guest lurking at the bottom of my lungs and I feel ok. Obviously within my circle of shit but I feel ok. So  I went and had  a wonderful morning in the painting and drawing studio at the Mac (Midlands art centre) doing the life drawing course.

I started going in September as a complete novice to the  drawing the human form. In fact up until last year I had point-blank refused to attempt any kind of art that involved people, faces or any part of the human form, strongly believing I couldn’t do it. But I went to an art class last summer and one of the sessions had been a life drawing taster and I bloody loved it, so  I started a weekly class. I was and still am totally shit at it, but I am loving it, learning so much that is definitely impacting all my art work positively.  More than that though, it has really shown me that going outside of my comfort zone and trying something you see as difficult, you can find the most unexpected passion and enjoyment.   It has definitely me a little bit braver.

Waking up feeling well and reasonably pain free is always a wonderfully surprising start to my day. So when I get  up and bounce through my  mornings activity, without plummeting back into feeling like dogshit, I am then faced with the thin line dilemma. Even more so at times like now. When I have  been so poorly and am in the third week of  crawling my way back to just having my normal repertoire of  physical problems.

The thin line dilemma is this,  do I just fuck it, do what ever I fancy doing, and enjoy feeling ok. Maybe a bit of shopping, a stroll in the sun we were blessed with today, a bit of lunch or a coffee out and take the risk of hitting the wall of fatigue or pain or both later.  Or do I do the sensible thing, be grateful I had a good morning and go and rest. Basically do I do all the pacing techniques I have learnt in the past and know work, or do I just enjoy the moment and worry about suffering the consequences later. This

is the thin type-rope I have to walk everyday life. I am not going to lie it is also probably the thing  (despite years of practise and a clear understanding of the theory of pacing) I battle with myself over the most.

Today I was sensible,  I can’t promise I will be tomorrow.


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